As a Solo Diner, These 2 Words Really Tick Me Off!
I’m proud of the fact that I’m very comfortable dining alone in any restaurant. Whether a casual outdoor lunch, a snazzy wine bar or a fancy “black or white napkin?” kind of place, I’m quite ok with dining alone. Sure, I’d rather have my husband sitting across the table from me, but he’s not with me on the majority of my business trips. While colleagues are with me on some of my trips, I’m a solo diner the majority of the time, and I am quite content with this.
What I’m not content with . . . and downright ticked with . . . is hearing these two words as I enter a restaurant: “Just one?”
These two little words, asked so innocently, really get my goat.
I’ve often wanted to respond to “Just one?” with:
- Yes, put me in the pity section please.
- No, a table for 3, please. Me, my book and I.
- I have my imaginary friend with me – you don’t see him?
- Where I come from, everyone eats alone. That’s how we live so long. I’m actually 125 years old.
- Yes, just one. My closest fifty friends ate at the early bird special.
- Yes, I couldn’t decide which husband to bring along so I brought neither.
I know the question isn’t meant to offend, but dining solo is one of the most uncomfortable situations for many women. These words just make it more uncomfortable. I walk away feeling that the host thinks I have no friends, or no special person in my life . . . that I’m a loser who can’t find anyone to dine with. I want to defend myself, to say that I’m proud to be so comfortable in my own skin that I don’t need a companion to complete me, that I do know how to order a great glass of wine all by myself, but it’s not worth it. They wouldn’t understand anyway, since they meant no harm in their little question.
How about we turn this little question into something more empowering (and create more raving fans for a restaurant): “A table in the successful women section?” “A table where youcan see and be seen?” or “Table for one . . . let me take you to our preferred seating.”
Here’s a toast – to the power of one!
Interesting post. I don’t mind dining alone either – and sometimes downright prefer it if I am tired or want to eat somewhere only I care about.
But I’ve never thought about that particular phrase in that way or how it might deter folks who are less comfortable with that situation. I just know the host/hostess is often surprised when they realize I don’t have someone joining me. And the same goes when I head to a movie by myself (one of my personal favorite treats). It makes me wonder how much little things can influence someone on seemingly small decisions in life that evolve into life-long habits and behaviors.
Carol, I completely agree. I don’t mind eating alone but the restaurants staff could make it or break it. One time I was dining alone in London and the waiter made my meal experience a horrible one. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. It made me wish I had just ordered room service. I’m going to suggest your alternative question to the woman dining alone to all my culinary friends. Thanks!
I don’t mind dining alone and you’re right some time you travel in business trip and you have to dine alone. I just don’t like not having to talk somone when I dine
Totally agree. I hate the phrase “Just one?” It connotes surprise that anyone would dine without others. When two people show up, they don’t say “Just two?” What they should say is “One? Right this way, please.”
I don’t mind the question so much as the pitying look afterwards.
My pet peeve….invariably when I am alone they head me to a table near the back next to the kitchen. What is up with that? I always asked to be put somewhere else. Agree, I am a success worman and happy….no need to hide me.
http://www.kathycondon.info/blog
Completely agree. The phrase implies that your party is incomplete.
What would you suggest they say? They have to ask…. it’s not about offending you…… been in this position…. where i have offended someone by just doing my job….It would be nice if more people would just lighten up, and not be so touchy about simple phrases like this….. Sounds like you are the one with the problem…not the host/hostess.